My belated New Year's Resolution was to try and not watch movie trailers, because I noticed they were taking away the surprise of seemingly every movie I saw. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button really did me in, because though the movie is 2.5 hours long, they apparently showed little snapshots of all the main sequences of the movie, including ones that should have been left to surprise such as the de-aging of Brad Pitt and his exploration of hotness while on a motorcycle. I was able to completely avoid seeing the movie trailers for all three of these blockbusters, and I have to say it's really nice to feel genuine surprise when watching a movie. So basically, my hopes from paragraph one about each of the movies was just from me knowing the bare bones plot and stars of each film. Please note, spoilers from each movie ahead, please don't hate me if your eyes stray and find out something you don't want to know.
Let's start with W even though I saw it second of the three. As you can tell by his aggressive stance in the poster, Hugh Jackman is very angry about something. In a remarkable twist of fate he is born sickly and the man he thinks is his father is not. The man who actually is his father ends up killing the pretend father, of course then prompting Hugh as a young child to kill his real father and exhibit his powers for the first time, but instead of metal coming from his hands they are disgusting bone (it's really gross). He then runs away from home with his brother, later played by Liev Schreiber, and they go on to fight every main war together, all the while staying alive and not aging because they both have healing properties that suggest immortality. They eventually are selected for an elite fighting unit and join other mutants to perform black ops jobs. During this time Hugh becomes increasingly concerned that Liev is too aggressive, so he eventually quits the black ops team (which includes Ryan Reynolds in an all-too-brief highlight of the movie and [sigh] rapper will.i.am) in Africa, and Hugh begins a "normal" life as a lumberjack in Canada with a lady to boot.Fast forward several years and dubious plot explanations later (where Wolverine got his nickname- much dumber and less straightforward than you think) and suddenly Hugh thinks Liev has killed his lady and will stop at nothing to kill him, despite the fact that they both share the same immortality-esque genes. So Hugh undergoes the famous adamantium injections to turn his bone extensions into metal extensions, almost dies, escapes in the nude without showing full frontal (sigh), eventually finds out his lady's alive, introduces far more possible spin-off characters along the way and finally is at the climax of Three Mile Island where apparently the settled-on bad guy William Stryker keeps mutants hidden because no one goes poking around nuclear sites. Righttttt. An epic battle ensues where at first Hugh and Liev are fighting and then they put brotherly squabbles aside ("Back to Back!") to join forces against the ultimate soldier Deadpool, a combination of multiple mutants in a similar bodily form of Ryan Reynolds who can do all kinds of crazy things. Long story short, Hugh saves the mutants but not his lady, is shot by Stryker with adamantium which removes his memory, is unresolved with his brother and possibly (?) beheads Deadpool.
I could tell the movie would be bad during the during credits montage of the wars they were involved in, but how bad is remarkable. Liev really overacts to an impressive extent here, and Hugh, despite being the best part of the movie (which is not saying much) is still brought down by the horrible direction and bile-infested script. The movie seems more eager to introduce more spinoff characters than to explore what it means to be Wolverine, as he sometimes feels like a sideshow to the main act of mutants doing their crazy tricks. Most of the battle sequences are totally unrealistic, including one where Hugh basically punches out a helicopter. It might be fun to watch if it wasn't so achingly bad to listen to, and if you didn't realize how much money the movie made and that some of the actors are clearly taking it very seriously. I would feel bad for Hugh because not only is he the star but he is the producer, but the movie made so much money and is having at least two sequels with just him, not counting two other possible spin-off characters, that I just feel bad for the future audiences.
Star Trek tells the story of how Captain James T. Kirk and Spock came to be, starring Chris Pine and Zachary Quinto of Heroes as the anchors of this reboot. Apparently during his younger years Kirk felt the need to rebel for his late father's selfless heroics by being an a-hole, driving a car off a cliff, getting in fights and chasing the ladies. In spite of his rebellion the current captain of the Enterprise sees his father's good qualities in him and suggests he try out for Starfleet where his ego inevitably clashes with Spock. Quinto's Spock is the real star of this movie and I really can't praise him enough- if he plays his cards right he may well become a superstar. The bare bones plot is that Kirk quickly ascends and correctly predicts a crisis on the planet Vulcan by a crazy Romulan (Eric Bana) who has taken tattooed inspiration from Mike Tyson. There are some cliches throughout the movie, the most annoying being the shaky cam that has become so popular post-Bourne. It doesn't really make sense if two characters are just talking and the cameraman has a case of Parkinson's. Also, there is a near-constant reflective light that is on screen whenever they're on the Enterprise, which breaks the fourth wall and is distracting at best, especially for the amount they do it. There is far too much Tyler Perry- he should have never been given such a large speaking role- but Leonard Nimoy was a necessary addition as he provided a clean transition from the old to the new. (The good thing about the cameos is that there are four from Alias. I nearly cried with happiness).Considering I'm not a Trekkie I thoroughly enjoyed myself but with major hesitations. Anton Yelchin's Chekhov is so annoying that I couldn't believe he received so much screen time and there are some lowest-common-denominator humor sequences that seemed unnecessary (oh, he hit his head on the low ceiling, how hilarious). Also, how the hell does the Golden Gate Bridge still exist when this takes place? But I digress. Star Trek does not deserve the astronomically high rating it's received on Rotten Tomatoes, but it is enjoyable and worth the price of admission, and Quinto and Pine will probably make a great team together in the years to come.
And finally, Terminator: Salvation. Christian Bale plays John Connor, son of Linda Hamilton in T2 and supposed savior of Earth from the machines. Apparently he can't get over the Dark Knight, because his much-discussed gravelly voice has survived the franchise switch and he growls in every scene, even though by no means is it necessary (it's just distracting). Even though he is the star and his character is the most important to the series, the film opens and is subsequently stolen by Aussie actor Sam Worthington, pictured below at right.
He is a double-murderer about to be lethally injected when a terrifying-looking Helena Bonham Carter comes and asks him if he will donate his body to science, possibly to help her solve her cancer. He agrees and is killed, and once the film fast forwards to the future we see his well-preserved body in a cave where Connor and his crew are investigating the new possibility of robot- one that looks eerily similar to a human. Just as Connor goes to tell command and leaves the cave, the robots drop a nuclear bomb at his site, killing his crew and launching an all-out assault on the area. Connor survives by flying away, and we are left with the image of Worthington exiting the cave screaming, in the nude and covered in mud, not knowing anything but the past.Besides killing the terminators John Connor is fixated on finding his father, the young man he transports back in time and ends up shacking up with Ms. Hamilton. Worthington reaches him, played by Star Trek's Anton Yelchin, before Connor, and with Worthington thinking it's still the 1990s, has no idea that evil robots are self-aware and have taken over the world. Yelchin saves him and together along with a child sidekick the trio try to find the Resistance. After some crazy fights and a run-in with Kramer vs. Kramer's Jane Alexander (still fabulous!) Anton is captured by a mega-terminator who takes him and other hostages to Skynet headquarters, leaving Worthington to find Connor himself. He runs into a downed pilot (Moon Bloodgood- absolutely stunning, sexy and apparently she can act well) who takes him to Connor.
There it is discovered that he is not himself- that he is (although you were trying your best not to believe the obvious all along) the terminator that Connor discovered in the cave- that he is robot, but with a human heart, brain, and skin. He is captured and tortured, though being a robot this has little effect on him. Eventually Moon helps him to escape and he returns to Skynet where his worst fears are confirmed- he is a robot, though he still fights for his inner human. He heals himself and catches up on what's happened while he's been in a nuclear daze and decides to help the Resistance by rescuing Connor (who's now been captured) as well as the many other humans who are trapped. He does this and ends up saving Connor's life, proving to himself and to the others that although he has robot parts his identity as a human has been maintained.
To my utter disbelief, I hated Christian Bale in this movie. Apart from his voice he seemed to be scatterbrained in his character I found myself sighing whenever he was onscreen. On the other hand, Worthington was an explosion of all things good. He used his screen time wisely and outshone every actor and special effect in the movie. At the end I was wishing he was cast as John Connor, but it could have been that I just wanted to see more of him. The movie itself was sub-par, but that's because I have no patience when it comes to robots. How do they not rust? Why don't they just spray acid on them or melt them? It was nice to see a cameo from Ahnold and have the classic line "I'll be back" come back. The addition of Bryce Dallas Howard as Connor's pregnant wife was an absolute letdown-they had zero chemistry together and I'm not sure why she keeps getting cast in movies. In my opinion the movie was saved from absolute mediocrity by Worthington and to a smaller extent Bloodgood (she's in few scenes). I don't know how they're going to sequels to this without Worthington, but it's almost a guarantee they will suck. Bale should stick to The Dark Knight and occasionally drink some water.
Here are my starred reviews of the movie (out of five):
Wolverine: Entertaining: One star, Goodness/Award-worthy: O stars
Star Trek: Entertaining: 3.5 stars, Goodness/Award-worthy: 2.5 stars, Replay value: 2.5 stars
Terminator: Entertaining: 3 stars, Goodness/Award-worthy: 2 stars
Images found on Google.
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